So last night, I lost my mind. I let it wander to where one should never travel alone – into the closet, the past – those skeletons! Why do I put myself through this, trying to recapture the glory that was always fading?
Enough with the suspense, right? Well, where do you think I went? Into the abyss that is Second Life of course. I remember it being so easy – the building that is. My creativity ever flowing (or maybe that was always the weed, and the cigarettes and the need to procrastinate whatever law school was entailing that day, or night. I remember staying up all night and churning – I was a maniac. But, fuck was I good at it.
Last night – not so much. I hadn’t logged in since 2014. I fumbled (ok, no I was a trainwreck, fumbled is such a light word). I couldn’t navigate, find the keys or even figure out how to sit anymore.
I mean .. And I say this in the nicest way ever – imagine having to learn to walk again. There were literally tears of frustration coupled with anger – Anger at myself for being such an effing loser.
Why am I doing this? Because I need an outlet and weed is no longer the answer, (remembering that I need to be a responsible parent now.)
I lost track of the time – that’s the only thing that is familiar – losing myself.
I am going to do this. Quitting, of course, would be so much easier. I hate commitment, so quitting aligns pretty well with my personality. I could lie to myself and say I tried. But I really I didn’t, I just WANTED it to be easy. And it wasn’t.
BUT now that I am done rambling, I am close to finishing a project and should be releasing it soon. Its pretty simple and outright embarrassing – but it’s all I can do.
Babysteps, right?
Indian Goddess Unraveled 